Usually we both apologise, smile and rush on.

Occasionally I reflect that I apologised even when it was clearly not my fault. Somehow I feel better for the experience.

Sometimes, someone will rush out of a side street but we don’t bump into each other. Which is lucky – because we are both in our respective cars. I get irritated and make sure the other person knows about it. The other person usually returns the favour – and I get more irritated. Feeling self-righteous and somewhat superior.

Then I notice that the other driver is the same person I almost bumped into while walking earlier. However this time there is a difference – WE ARE IN OUR CARS.

So what makes me change from a polite (even charming) pedestrian into a snarling, over-sensitive motorist?

Perhaps it’s just fear!

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Tears can be touching, terrifying, threatening, pleading, refreshing, relieving, embarrassing, engaging, tiny tears are cute, adults’ sobbing tears are overwhelming.

Are you too strong/ too important/ too old/ too frightened to cry?

Have you ever wondered why?

Or do you cry too easily/in the wrong place/at the wrong time/ with the wrong people?

One evening, a few months ago, I reached a breaking point (after a couple of years of growing frustration)with one of my neighbours whose extended family were parking nine vehicles close to my home, causing hazard and inconvenience to me and anyone visiting me.

Arriving home to this gauntlet of vehicles – AGAIN – I had had enough. I drove straight to my neighbour’s house, banged on the door and, trembling with anger, demanded that he moved at least some of his homemade traffic jam. I was very angry, he and his daughters were very reasonable and said ‘why didn’t you ask us to move them before?”

They apologised, and I started crying – dissolving away my anger. I went to my house with all the frustrations of two years of resentment bubbling out of me. Two years of irritation, fear and frustration were suddenly released. Why hadn’t I simply asked them to move their cars two years earlier and avoid all the heartache?

Reflecting later, I realised why I hadn’t knocked on his door. Fear. He had always been a good neighbour and I didn’t want to upset him. So I upset myself instead!

I learned a painful lesson from this experience – and it was my tears that taught me.

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